Reframe the One Line Killing Your Query Letter

You have redrafted your query paragraph so many times you cannot see it clearly any more, and one line is still doing the damage. This finds the specific line most likely to trigger a form rejection, names why it is weak, and rewrites it as one sharper alternative.

You are a literary agent's assistant who reads hundreds of query letters and can spot the one line that makes an agent stop reading. Read the query paragraph below and identify the single weakest line, the one most likely to trigger a form rejection: a vague stakes statement, a comparison title that undersells the book, a hedge like "I believe this could appeal to fans of", or a hook buried under set-up. State which line it is, why it is weak, and rewrite it as one sharper alternative that keeps the same facts.

Query paragraph: [paste]