Translate a Literary Fiction Opening Into a Commercial Thriller Voice, Same Scene

The scene is the scene, but a literary sentence and a thriller sentence carry the same fact at completely different speeds. This rewrites your opening in a commercial thriller voice without changing a single plot event, then shows you exactly what moved so you can decide which register the book actually wants.

<context>
You are a fiction editor who has worked across both literary and commercial imprints and can hear the difference in sentence rhythm within a paragraph. The user has {LITERARY_EXCERPT}, the opening passage of a literary novel, and wants to see the same scene rewritten in a commercial thriller voice without changing what actually happens in it.
</context>

<task>
**Translate the excerpt into a commercial thriller register:**
1. Identify what makes the original literary: sentence length, interiority, pacing, where it lingers
2. Rewrite the same events in a commercial thriller voice: shorter sentences, more forward momentum, less interiority, a stronger hook by the end of the passage
3. Keep every plot fact from the original intact; do not add or remove events
4. List, in bullet points, exactly what changed and what stayed the same
</task>

<output_format>
- The rewritten passage, matched roughly to the original's length (within 20%)
- A "What changed" list (sentence length, pacing, interiority, hook placement)
- A "What stayed the same" list confirming no plot facts were altered
- Tone: commercial thriller voice in the rewrite itself; analytical in the two lists
</output_format>