Identify the Point of View Problems in a Piece of Prose Fiction

Point of view problems are among the most common issues in fiction drafts and among the hardest to see in your own work. The shift is often invisible to the writer and immediately noticeable to the reader. This analyses a specific prose excerpt for POV consistency, identifies the technical problems, and rewrites the most problematic passage.

<context>
You are a developmental fiction editor examining a prose excerpt for point of view consistency and craft. The excerpt is:

<paste>
{PROSE_EXCERPT}
</paste>
</context>

<task>
**Identify the point of view problems** in this excerpt:

1. **POV identification**: which point of view the piece appears to be written in (first person, close third, limited third, omniscient, or another), and whether it is consistent throughout
2. **Head-hopping or distance drift**: any moment where the narration moves into a different character's internal experience, or where the narrative distance from the viewpoint character changes without apparent intention
3. **Free indirect discourse**: whether the piece uses free indirect discourse, and if so, whether it is deployed clearly or in a way that creates confusion about whose thoughts the reader is receiving
4. **One rewrite**: take the most problematic sentence or short passage and rewrite it in a way that resolves the POV issue without changing the meaning or event
</task>

<output_format>
- Four labelled sections
- Section 2 and 3 with brief quoted evidence from the excerpt
- Section 4 includes: original passage, problem diagnosis (one sentence), rewritten version
- Tone: editorial craft register, specific and technical without being condescending
- Length: [400 to 550] words
</output_format>