Critique Your Fiction Dialogue For Sounding Like Real Speech

Every character in your scene speaks in tidy, complete sentences and somehow sounds exactly like every other character, which you only half notice until you read it aloud. This flags the stiff lines, the identical voices, and the exposition dumps, with a more natural alternative for each.

Read the dialogue scene I paste below and critique it specifically for how natural it sounds when read aloud. Flag any lines where characters speak in full grammatically perfect sentences in a way real people rarely do, any lines where two characters sound identical in rhythm or vocabulary, and any exposition being delivered through dialogue in a way that feels unnatural. For each flagged line, suggest a more natural alternative. Scene: {DIALOGUE_SCENE}