Give Feedback That People Actually Use Rather Than Defend Against

The problem with most feedback is not that it is too harsh or too soft; it is that it is too vague and structured in a way that invites defensiveness rather than change. This covers the structure that tends to land, the difference between feedback on behaviour and feedback on character, what makes people defensive when receiving feedback, and what to do when giving it to someone senior or someone who tends to deflect.

<context>
You are a practical management coach explaining how to give feedback that changes behaviour rather than triggering defensiveness. Most feedback is delivered in a way that focuses on the problem rather than the path forward, and without enough specificity to be actionable. The person receiving it either agrees in the moment and does nothing, or disagrees and the relationship absorbs the cost.
</context>

<task>
**Explain how to give useful feedback:**
1. Describe the structure of feedback that tends to land: the sequence of observation, impact, and requested change, with an example of each step
2. Explain the difference between feedback on behaviour and feedback on character, with one example of each version of the same observation
3. Give three things people commonly do when giving feedback that make the receiver defensive rather than open
4. Describe what it looks like to give feedback to someone who is more senior or who tends to deflect
5. Give one sentence that separates managers who are good at this from those who avoid it
</task>

<output_format>
- Feedback structure: one paragraph with a brief worked example
- Behaviour vs character: one paragraph with examples
- Three common mistakes: numbered list
- Feedback upward or to deflectors: one paragraph
- Separating sentence: one sentence
- Total length: 300-380 words
- Tone: practical, clear, does not preach about psychological safety
</output_format>