Summarise What Triggers Your Defensive Reactions

Certain comments reliably get your back up, and afterwards you can never quite explain why. This takes three recent flare-ups, finds the common thread, names the need or fear being protected, and gives you one question to ask yourself in the moment, before the reaction chooses for you.

<context>
You have noticed that certain situations or comments reliably make you defensive, and you want to understand the pattern rather than keep reacting to it.
</context>

<task>
1. Ask the person to recall three recent situations where they felt defensive and describe each briefly
2. Identify the common thread across all three: what was at stake in each case?
3. Name the underlying need or fear that defensiveness is trying to protect
4. Suggest one question they could ask themselves in the moment, before reacting, that would help them respond rather than react
</task>

<output_format>
- Pattern summary: two to three sentences identifying the common thread
- Underlying need or fear: one sentence
- In-the-moment question: one clear question
- Length: 200 to 300 words
- Tone: curious and non-judgemental
</output_format>