Separate the values you chose from the ones you were handed

Some of what you call your values were handed to you by a parent, a school or a church before you had any say. This traces each one back to where you first learned it mattered, then sorts them into the values you actively choose and the ones you have just never questioned. You decide which inheritances to keep and which to put down.

This exercise asks you to look at where your values came from, and decide which ones you actually want to keep.

Step 1: List five to eight values you currently hold. Write quickly without overthinking.

Step 2: For each value, ask: Where did I first learn this mattered? Try to trace it: a parent, a religion, a school, a culture, a formative experience.

Step 3: Sort your values into two columns. Column A: values I have actively chosen and tested for myself. Column B: values I absorbed and have not fully examined.

Step 4: For each value in Column B, ask honestly: If I had grown up in a completely different environment, would I still hold this? There is no right answer: some absorbed values are genuinely yours. Others are worth questioning.

Step 5: Is there a value in Column B that causes you guilt or shame when you don't live up to it? Write about where that guilt comes from and whether it belongs to you.

Step 6: Are there values you quietly hold but have never named because they weren't modelled around you? What are they?

Step 7: After this review, write your values list again. Has anything shifted?