Control the Emotional Temperature of a Difficult Scene

Writing about real pain goes one of two wrong ways: cold and clinical, or overwrought. This explains controlled distance, how memoirists manage proximity to their own hurt, then rewrites one of your sentences at two different temperatures so you can feel the dial move. The skill of writing the hard thing without flinching or wallowing.

I'm writing about a painful or emotionally charged personal experience: {EXPERIENCE_SUMMARY}. My current draft tends toward one of two failure modes: either it goes cold and clinical, or it becomes overwrought.

I want to find the right emotional distance. Please:
1. Explain the concept of 'controlled distance' in memoir: how writers manage proximity to their own pain
2. Give me two short rewrites of this sentence from my draft: {PROBLEM_SENTENCE}. One version too close, one version at the right remove, with a brief note explaining what each does differently
3. Suggest one technique (e.g., shifting tense, using irony, moving to physical detail) I can apply throughout the scene to maintain the temperature I want

I'm aiming for emotional honesty without self-pity.